excerpt from the girl in the swing

how should i seek anything so trivial as comfort?
i would incur any condemnations just to lie
should i seek solace? even for the pain of loss
could i even bear to look you in the eye and cry?

as my pretensions end- so as my demented drive
where i saw reality in all of this foretold tale
cast in the shadows beyond something terribly stale
falling deeply from morn till noon up to the dewy eve

and as resentment eats every inch of my rotting body
the unbearable suffering seems to subside and concealed from shame
thus the chapter of this lonely story shall cease
but the memory of longing may haunt me even in dreams.~

longing

i thought that i could see it with my own eyes
and feel it as i touch it with my bare hands
but if fate has conspired not for it to be true
then i'll spend my waking days waiting for you

please do not read

little by little its beginning to engulf yourself...as you try to make a fool out of yourself pretending to be someone else who in turn really doesn't make you happy but you think will be acceptable to others...such stupidity sometimes happen..shit do happens. but nevertheless we try and cope up with the changes that the tides bring. people try to view something from their dreams and try to discriminate the real world for not having to see something that they saw, felt and want from their dreams...for their lives are driven by fantasy.i'm not saying that having a dream is wrong. what i mean is - living a dream would not be a bad idea...but do not discriminate the world for being so cold. you don't own the world for crying out loud, you're just visiting, same as i am. we have our own purpose here, we may not be here for so long yet we must do what we are capable of doing, but, be wise, for all your actions have consequences..you have to be responsible for your own actions...

grabbing the opportunity for life to start anew, that would be great, i would have lived my life differently but i may miss the people who have crossed the path that i previously chose so in turn i may wished that i should have stayed on this track,whatever life hinders to block my path i don't care, as long as things that i'm used to are there, it doesn't matter...they are there...i can spend my life to the fullest, i accepted my fate. if dying today will be my destiny who knows.. my only regret is that if i die, i only hope that i may have the chance to say goodbye to those i will be leaving behind.

--in times when my sorrow comes i want you to guide me in a way that my life would not be left astray.

looking through a dead end.

have you ever look back at the things that been quite bugging you recently?

i know i have traveled this world as much as my feet goes..

you have too...

and what bothers me is that for every step i make...

i started to notice that the things that were so close to me are beginning to fall out of place..

though subconsciously you're losing the important things in your life one by one.. its doesn't stop there..

it persist like some kind of obsessive psychopath trying to murder someone due to some worship-like adoration of sorts..

but hope still lingers somewhere...

in the farthest corner of my mind i know a light may shine..

it should be there..

but why?

to save me?

to find my way home?

maybe to end it all...

i don't know..

the madness is still inside that i would have to force my way out of it for a while or maybe some distraction would help.

being busy, listening to some crap... reading a timeless novel...

listening to music to soothe your soul...

there are millions of things left to be done...

if your mind can't cope up with changes..

you might as well be dead.

for you are useless..

i don't blame you though.,..

i know we all have purposes here on this planet.

you may not know what it suppose to be for you don't ask.

the greatest foolishness of a man is not asking about things..

they rely on ignorance as an escape goat for their foolishness

if they want to learn...

it is better to ask.

my thoughts are floating now..

my mind skips from one topic to another,,,

it is meant to be that way..

nobody forces you to keep on reading....

yet you still do.

you are like me..

you thrive for this nonsense.

you want closure on things you know that not worth your time...

and you've wasted enough time already...

only to find that the ending...

is not yet through....

silence is inevitable

wired against the wall

with its thorns wrapped around me

i'm kept still no way to move at all

bound by silence yet it still flows in me

shall i write to you my love?

is it lost fallen somewhere in the ground?

am i being punished from above?

or am i just waiting to be found?

untie my burden that kept me from returning

one last time, it's you that i shall be haunting

memories from deep inside are still hurting

it seems to be silent yet its clearly shouting

in vain shall i be mourning

can't help for tears to fall

i'm rolling, tossing and turning

in the end, does it matter at all?

now i hide in masks of different hue

only to be found that i'm hurting just like you

shall i cease to exist if i fail to remember

or will i forget and make it prosper

i am complicated that i know

it's all i am, got nowhere to go

if i find a piece of my conscience

shall i make it whole finding its essence?

though i know you have stopped me before

from raising my voice to end your stupidity

alas you have heard me well and with vigor

i'll slap you with words but with no profanity

i can still write my name in a shore

the tides may washed it away but at least i'm relieved

i know i have done it before

so i still have to believe...

dreaming of endless silence so it seems..

i can either run away as darkness dims

run and never look, for something is lurking in the dark

until i find the courage to stay and fight my way back.

this will be the beginning of another day

for tomorrow i will fight and seize it anyway

but in reality i know i'm just drifting away..

drifting away...

drifting away.